01 Feb 2025 4 min read

Navigating Imposter Syndrome in New Moms: Embracing the Journey

Dear mama,

Like you I am too blessed with a child recently

I know your days are filled with endless tasks, leaving little to no time for self-care or career or even thoughts other than your child. Life has changed to such extend that even pooping and peeing in peace seems luxury.

I'm here to walk alongside you and help you rediscover that confidence you had before your beautiful yet overburdened journey into motherhood began.

If any of below mentioned feelings resonate with you, please keep reading -

Anxious at the possibility of failure eg ‘Maybe I wasn't meant to be a mom’ ‘I should be a better mom’

Struggling to learn all the new skill dierly needed for this new role eg ‘ Why can't I be a perfect mom like everyone else’

Being overwhelmed by endless advice and "back in my day" stories that make you feel like you're the only one struggling to parent smoothly eg ‘ What am I going to do when others find out I have no idea what I am doing’

First thing to remember

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Many successful and talented people struggle with impostor syndrome. In fact the impostor phenomenon, originally identified in 1978 by Clance and Imes, describes the feelings of fraudulence reported by high-achieving women therefore most likely chances are that you are the best mom your child could ever want or need

These imposter feelings are typically rooted in fear of failure and a lack of confidence in one's abilities. It tends to surface when you're attempting something new, different, and challenging therefore ofcourse especially prevalent in motherhood.

Once again remember your experience is not unique, so talking to others will really make you feel less isolated, more able to manage your feelings and it will be easier to put things in perspective.

Triggers

Let's talk about what causes us feeling like a fraud even Though we are putting our 100% or more in that work

In fact Valerie Young devided it in following 5 competency types

Perfectionist- needs to be perfect
Expert- needs to know everything
Natural genius- set super high lofty goals
Soloist- needs to be able to do things on their own
Superhero- will try to juggle all the roles. Needs to be all the things

Probability in you are struggling with all of these

Second are there questions, this identity crisis that especially first time mothers can well understand.

i.e Will ever things return to normal

 Will i ever matter

Will i have space for me

Am I a bad mother for even asking all these question

I know nobody prepared you for this plethora of feelings on how to address them or navigate through them, and I won't sugar coat it either. Some of the questions motioned above have the answer as big No, it's scary I know but hang on.

Third would be the our new generation problems. For example we don't live in a combined family anymore and majority if us don't have enough funds for nanny resulting in a sleepless, high on hormones lady trying to manage this new responsibility on top of the old ones

Lastly of course would be Social Media fueling our feeling of inadequacy with it's blingy, baseless and unachievable standards.

Solutions that helped Me

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Identify

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-Primarily identify your triggers. 50% of your battel is won then and there

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Don't chase external validation

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-Your baby will be this small only once….. Totally true. But rather than spending on getting some fancy photo shoot or one time wear cute costume, spend time with them and make a soul connection. Belive me it will help you because no matter how small the child is, they try their hardest to understand their mother's emotions. Also click a lot of random pics and vedios of them doing all these senseless things. When you go back and watch them, it gives you a sense of satisfaction and achievement

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Baby choose you for a reason

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-Think of this new role as a challenge. You have maneuvered through so many things in life, sometimes without help. At least this time it's two of you in this journey. Your child is mirror to your emotions and not in opposition. Your child loves you, love in the form which is unparalleled.

I got an advice some time back by one of my collegue and close friend that if you let your child have emotions of their own and trust that they can come and confide in you….. You already are creating the best version of your child

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Believe in your capacity to adjust

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-Everything in life have to be adjuste. You will have to set new goals, some old goals have to be toned down or put to wait. But wasn't having a baby also your goal

Believe in the process please, I swear it gets easier and more rewarding

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Get authentic information

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-Do not compare anything with social media and all information should be double checked with your doc before implementing

Make this a go to rule for everything in life

I hope I was able to help some mom's

All questions and comments are most welcome

Remember talking about it and finding a supportive community is very helpful, don't suffer in silence

References

First would be our bitch of a inner voice. Whenever someone questioned us or we delivered anything less than perfect, it told us to just quit it because we wern't cut out for it

First thing to remember

Triggers

Solutions that helped Me

References

Sansrati Jain